Sunday, December 24, 2006

[[ Merry Christmas! ]]

it's been a long time since i write on my thoughts here.
it's been a good year.... 2006
many things had happened...
i transferred into a new campus here in Manila
i got a lot of frustrations and dilemmas on my course
but eventually i gave up asking myself and decided to push through
i'm always sick since i transferred here... i mean in my school
i got new friends...
i hated some subjects... and subjects to be taken..
i still love reading books...
my brother moved away to cavite in order to concentrate on his studies more
Maynilad gave us a hard time on water supply
some days i slept in Pasig house
my relatives in Australia came...
and of course... they are giving me a debut party
which i never expected ever in my life...
i learned a lot
i was touched...
God still with me all throughout and i can't ask for more...

now it's just my brother, mom and I...
we don't want to cook so much since we're just three and the water is scarce..
and i feel that that's not really the meaning of Christmas...
it's just in our hearts,,
thanking the Lord for His Son
whom he sent despite od the turbulence around...
and I hope i can be an excellent student that can enligthen people and be unbound
from the cycle of "smallnes" in my country. i know it's difficult but I have to work hard.

Thank You Lord for though I don't deserve anything, You gave me too much
that You have given Your life for me.
and that is the true meaning of Christmas...
I Love You....

---- Joanna----

Friday, December 01, 2006

my visit to the venue

today, i went to plaza ibarra with mon, kuya jai and ate madel for the food tasting. ms. karen assisted us. she also let me choose the cake and souvenirs for the debut. i chose the chyme... the food was really good! fantastic/...
this is the wsing... where i will sit

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the stairs that will lit up
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food tasting yum yum!!
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the mini garden outside...
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thanks to all the people and most of all to God! somethimg i did not even imagined!

Thursday, November 30, 2006

---why are you so good to be true???

since you are the only one that i liked since i stayed in upm... and yet ur so good to be true...
and that the wrong love is selfish...
i quit...
i'll just include you in my daydreams
coz i'll never get you
never.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

[[++ poor house ++]]

why do people sometimes get selfish whrn they fall in love???
why don't they care about their children anymore when they are in love?
it's better for me to stay alone in santolan if i always feel this way.... but i feel some responsibilities for our house... a house that i really would like to call my home but it seems like the heart of the home is missing...
my brother is staying in cavite because he doesn't want to stay at our house too because of the people ... not just because it is untidy...
poor house.... slowly ....by and by the people living inside are getting extremely lonely...
i am happy that i was able to transfer to the campus of my school in manila to be near my family....
but as i went home... i found only one.... and he even went away....
poor house.... no home.... no heart....
i am extremely sad at the moment...
but i just think of my father in heaven and get a glimpse of happiness
an inner happiness within....
thank God he loves me so much.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

[[++ marathon again?!++]]

addicted again as usual... in cavite i watched the lure of the wolves...]

the guy drove me crazy!

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and while wating for dad at the house i was able to watch a glimpse of my lovely sam soon but the subtitles are in japanese... i was addicted with hyun bin and the story so i bought a copuy, even went to lrt north mall just for this ...whoah my head is spinning he's so gorgeous!

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the girl is not actually fat,... she's sexy and beutiful!
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but i hVE to control myself because classes will be starting on monday again... i should cherish last moments....

Saturday, November 04, 2006

[[++ waaaaahhhh again ++]]

okay i checked my grades and this are the results

UNIVERSITY OF THE PHILIPPINES, MANILA
[2005-00206] MONTEJAR, JOANNA ELAINE ESLAO (BS P)
Student Grades
1st semester/2006-2007
Grade
Re-exam
Units/Hrs
HISTORY 4
1.50
-
3
PHYSICS 51
2.25
-
3
COMM I
no grade
-
-
IP 121 (LAB)
no grade
-
-
HISTORY II
1.25
-
3
BIO 20
1.75
-
5
IP 121 (LEC)
INC
-
PHAR 100
1.75
-
1
NSTP
P
-
-
*** NO ENTRY FOLLOWS ***
GWA: 1.700 ( GOOD STANDING )
-----15


waaah 15 units only....? 21!waah i have to take the exam in ip so that i won't be incomplete!huhuhu!

Monday, October 30, 2006

[[++ stay.. ++]]

i transferred the song by lisa loeb to my phone... he used to play the intro in his guitar while i do the talking... i said so many times that i'm over him... i said a couple of times that i would forget him... i said a million times that i was never in - love with some body...

but i guess i was wrong because it's almost two years now... and i can still remember him. when i thought of other guys that i was attracted to before... i got goosebumps and just forget about them... i laugh and i thought i was really funny during those times that i did silly things... but whenever i remember him it was different..
he was good but he did not treat me well as i have treated him... he said some words that really broke my heart... especially the last time that i called him... i am still not over him... although he pushed me out... he is still on my mind...
am i bringning pain unto myself?

..... hindi kailangang suklian ang pagmamahal na yun... sapat ng nasa puso at isip ko na lamang siya... at sana maayos siya ngayon... siguri nga hindi niya na ako maalala at ibang- iba na ang mundo niya habang ako iniisip ko kung kamusta na siya... ganito pala pag hindi mo nasabi... hindi mo mailabas at hanggang ngayon ginugulo pa rin ako ng mga alaala namin na importante saakin pero balewala lang sakanya...

my first love... although unrequited love... is never a waste because i learned to love unconditionally... though i am left thinking about you it's alright. i wish you a happy life. don't worry , you will never know my love. you don't have to be confused, i just love you so much ....

now, i loved... i am happy with those memories.
you don't have to know that i love you...
and i still remember you from time to time...
half of me wants to meet you... half of me wants to hold it back and be mad at you....
yet,despite the circumstances i think i fall in love with you every day...
i miss you ... stay...

Saturday, October 28, 2006

[[++ stay ++]]

currently playing stay... by lisa loeb... its a beutiful morning i just woke up from a nightmare... i dreamed of 'duh again... and the he is mad at me that is why he does not talk to me... maybe i will just accept that as true that is why he doesn't care anymore...
but when i played the song i remembered him playing it... the intro... why can't i forget it???!!!
i hate it! i am done with him but memories still longer on...= ( please let me forget you...

Thursday, October 26, 2006

[[++it just shows i'm gonna be a doctor!++]]

You Should Get a MD (Doctor of Medicine)
You're both compassionate and brilliant - a rare combination.You were born to be a doctor.


hahaha i am so happy! at least it shows...

[[++??++]]

Your Birthdate: January 3
You are more than a big ball of energy - you are a big ball of hyper.You are always on the go, but you don't have a type a personality.Instead of channeling your energy into work, you instead go for fun and adventure.Witty and verbal, you can have an interesting conversation with anyone.
Your strength: Your larger than life imagination
Your weakness: You tend to be pretty scattered
Your power color: Lime
Your power symbol: Lightening bolt
Your power month: March

[[++ what??++]]

Your Birthdate: January 3
You are more than a big ball of energy - you are a big ball of hyper.You are always on the go, but you don't have a type a personality.Instead of channeling your energy into work, you instead go for fun and adventure.Witty and verbal, you can have an interesting conversation with anyone.
Your strength: Your larger than life imagination
Your weakness: You tend to be pretty scattered
Your power color: Lime
Your power symbol: Lightening bolt
Your power month: March
What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

[[++ i am done with harry potter! ++]]

i already finished harry potter and the half- blood prince...
i was really terified with the ending! i hate it huhuhu
sorry for dumbledore because he have to die...
oh my...
what will happen to harry???
i am really excited on how they will film this...
i can't imagine... i really pity Dumbledore because he even beg snape for mercy
i hate snape!

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well J.K. Rowling did a great job again of mesmerizing me of her talent!

[[++ i'm in LB ++]]

well i am here in uplb with my friends mai and esway. a am so happy today because i also got to see my old bio- friends... oh i really miss them. we ate in lb square and i gave esway the princess hours and the book. she was so happy and we watched a couple of episodes but then mai arrived and we have to eat already. now i am with them at the computer shop and they are still researching on botany... well i thought we could have more time but i guess not... well i still thought of my iplab exam from time to time...

i really want to finish it now and take the exam!
why are they prolonging my agony???? i hate it!
grrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

[[++ beautiful day ++]]

hi i just went home. my friends and i [[ my original circle of friends ]] went to encar's huse, then to mall. we went to mocha blends, ice berg and ice monster... sounds like we ate a lot! haha i really missed them.... we giggled a lot ... super happy...
pictures at my multiplyhttp://jolen8.multiply.com
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[[++ waaah i am so sad ++]]

waaah i am really sad i will take an exam on ip lab again because i did not passed

it is only 68 waaah i thought i am going on a vacation already huhuhu... maybe it is a lesson for me because i was always watching and i always cram while studying ip lab huhuhu i will not do it again!!!!!

Sunday, October 22, 2006

[[++ washing day ... and some thoughts++]]

well it's sunday evening and i am doing some washing and mopping today. well i think the house is really a mess. well anyway that's nonsense..haha so what do i want to say? well actually i finished watching full house again and i was satisfied. but i just thought of the reality that these are not really true. i really can't make the one i like ... like me ... it is complicaed and you end up not being known... you won't be able to expressa yourself and sometimes it is useless cause you know that you two cannot be tgether... and the bigger picture is that it is not always important.. you have to keep your main thing in life... that's what i can say... and that for me is my mission in life... my purpose for living... so now i think being in love will just interfere that... and it is good that i don't feel it right now... and i never did... they said it is addicting... but i am also addicted to watching korean series and movies... so it shows i am also in love in doing that... maybe so... but i know they are not of the same level. i just pray that i won't still find that person because if that time comes... it is difficult to prioritize because i am obsessed with it... i know my tendencies just like watching korean series... oooh it is really dangerous...., because i give it all... well anyway i posted pictures of abby's bday in my multiply... well sorry just now...hehehttp://jolen8.multiply.com

Saturday, October 21, 2006

[[++ happy ++]]

after my finals in IP lab i immediately watched and enjoyed watching full house again and can you imagine that i watched it straight from 9pm up to 6 in the morning haha so amusing isn't it? then i slept afterwards mom came around 9 am and told me to prepare because we would go to edd sy. well he is actually good and known for making gowns. i saw many celebrities who asked him to make their gowns and other outfits. wow cool and he is good. as for my gown, i really like his design and he said that the gown would be tightened so that my waist will be smaller. that means i have to lose weight ok???? waaaahhhhh i have to go to gym again i only have 2 months to do this huhu

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

[[++ addicted++]]

waah help me i am so addicted with korean dramas!!!
what have i watched?
-winter sonata{my very first}
- it started with a kiss--cutie
-goong(i love this}
-my girl {good couple,so funny}
-spring waltz{dramatic and classical}
-which planet are you from {still watching}
-wonderful life{a family story,very good!}
-full house{cute jessie}
-autumn in my heart{so tragic!}
-stairway to heaven{i also cried}
and a lot more

waah i think i watched the best koreanovelas.. what's next?
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[[++ what a day++]]

its 12 52 already and i am still in fron of the computer.. well i am planning to study later at night. i want to enjoy for the momment. last night i watched wind struck and i cried again. i remembered "duh" again because he's the one who told me that he likes it and it is a good film... well i just remembered nothing really special... but i thought if ever we meet again... what will happen to me? because the mere thought made my heart jump... but it does not mean that i still like him it's just that maybe i had supressed feelings before that i was not able to bring out. but i really hope we wont meet each other. memories would be just fine.

i will also make a check list of what's to be done this sem break... i dont want to waste my time not being able to do what i need and want to do. well i just dont want to be bored. hehe

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i have plans for my friends also and for my debut. i guess i have to prepare the pics already...

"yawn* time for some sleep... i would read harry potter book 6 then have a nap and study!

[[++ new lay out++]]

well i have lots of time for today so as early as 8 am i was already making the lay out and i am so happy because i really like my header(so sweet) hahaha i really like this series may be no. 2 from endless love winter sonata...

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oh prince shin....
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the cast...
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i really like this... i have watched this series a hundred times!! huhu!

but why do i like kissing scenes? well i dont know....haha
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Monday, October 16, 2006

[[++ waaah! I PASSED PHYSICS?! CRAZY!++]]

WAAH I PASSED PHYSICS WAHOOOO!!!!!!
I AM EXEMPTED! well thank LORD!
actually i even studied so hard and it was just a while ago that i foud out that i am exempted for tomorrow's finals!great!but i don't deserve it!.... but anyway i am still thankful hehe

Saturday, October 14, 2006

[[++ what does it take to be UP student++]]

well this is actually my paper for comm1 i just want to post it since i made it for 4 hours hehe

Joanna Elaine E. Montejar Mr. Mercurio
BS- Pharmacy
2005- 00206


What does it take to be a UP student?
Three hours of sleep, thirty minutes of preparation before going to school, an hour of travel, eight hours in school, go home to study for six hours… a typical routine for me, whew! Is it crazy? Well, welcome to the world of being a UP student! What happened to my life anyway?
Looking back when I was in high school, I remembered the times when my friends and I were just trying to get the application to get a test for the UPCAT. Actually from the very start it was never easy. It took us a week to get the documents in our school for the requirements for the UPCAT. And we also enrolled in a review class to be able to make ourselves ready for the test. What a preparation! Well it actually helped because out of eight of us who enrolled, five were able to enter. The truth is I was not really expecting to pass the exam because I really don’t feel that I’m good on exams and I really do not have confidence since I’m from a private school, not a science high school. And we were encouraged to enter a Catholic school too like UST. I took only three tests from UP, UST and UAP. What happened? I flanked the USTET! During that time expectations were high for me because I belong to the cream section and my family and relatives were surprised when they heard that I was not able to pass. They even compared me to my brother who passed and was not even a student from the cream section. It was May already and I still don’t have any school to enrol in for college. I took the exam for UAP, fortunately I passed but it seemed that that school is for the rich and I felt I am not suitable to be there. One day, while I am inside the church, I prayed “Lord, what school will I enter? Please help me… will I continue to UAP?” then suddenly I received a text message from my classmate and she told me that I passed! Whoa! I was really surprised and happy that during our praise and worship I really cried and thanked God. I was not really expecting this. Well I entered UPLB as a biology student signalling that it would be my pre- medical course. I really would like to be a doctor rather than being a business woman.
A UP student? I was never expecting this ever in my life! So what happened afterwards? Because UPLB is far from home, I entered a dormitory together with my friends. The truth is I felt a series of home- sickness that I would be awake all night while all are sleeping and I would just sleep when it is six o’clock. Even though, I encouraged my self not to be lonely.
Days have gone by and slowly, I started to adapt in my new life in UPLB. I noticed that people there were simple, humble and very kind as compared to people in Manila. I also learned how to be independent and managed my own food, clothes and a lot of stuffs that I did not bothered on before. I still felt home sickness from time to time that is why I go back to our house every week. Here, I also experienced how to live in a single room with five people in it. It was really new to me but since they were my high school classmates, it was easy to get along with them. They became my family when I am far from home.
So how is UP life? Culture shocked? Well some kind of. Of course, I came from a Catholic school. I noticed that students there were wearing different kinds of outfit, from ragged jeans, to mini skirts, to flip flops, summer shorts and so on! Actually they wear what is just comfortable to them. Whatever suits their taste will be their outfit. I also noticed that a lot of people bring large umbrellas especially the guys. If ever you bring that to a school in Manila, well that is some kind of different. People might laugh at you. When I was in high school our teachers were very strict when it comes to our uniform. White socks, low heeled black leather shoes, black skirt, black and white tube and white blazers that should be buttoned properly. But now I sit beside a student wearing only shorts and rubber slippers. Some even looked like they have not even bathed before going to class. But still you cannot judge people from their looks. Though they smoke, and do some weird stuff, they were simple and kind for me. I even remembered one time; I accidentally left my cell phone in the library. When I noticed that it was not in my things, my heart beat so fast. I was really scared because that was a gift for me when I graduated from high school. But guess what? I still found my phone on the table as if no one noticed.
So how about the academic life? When I was in high school, I was the second honourable mention. I am not really intelligent but I believe that I am really studious that is why I got honours. It is true because when I took an IQ test in elementary, I got a low IQ. So I have nothing to brag about but my studying habits. I was really studious and hardworking. I aimed to get honours. So I got good grades. I am not used to grades like 85 or even 90. I want higher. 92 is the minimum grade. Well that was my aim before. But since I entered UP, everything went up side down. I remembered my first quiz in chemistry and I got 3 out of 10. I was surprised. But then I told myself that it was just a quiz. And during our lecture, I was not really paying attention with my professor because he was really fast. I am just rushing to copy notes. Then suddenly he said we will have a quiz! I was shocked because when I was in high school I made sure that I would study before hand. Well I got zero. And it was not the first time. I even got thirty five out of one hundred in our exam. And I always got low in my chemistry subjects. So I doubled my studying time. Sleeping time is just around four to five hours. But I still got low grades. “What am I suppose to do?” I am satisfied with a minimum grade of 92 before, now I am satisfied with a passing grade. I even remembered one time we had a drill in the laboratory and most of my classmates were from chemical engineering courses. So as expected they were really good. And me? I remembered my teacher even announcing that she cannot comprehend that even one got a score of four. When she announced that, my heart stopped. I think it was me. Well it really was me. As I received my paper I heard my classmates talking that they were not satisfied with their scores. Well actually they only got one or two mistakes. Those times were really emotionally wrecking for me. I felt I was not really qualified to be a UP student. I even thought that I was the dumbest student there. So I just poured my feelings with my friend and we ate a lot. That was my therapy. I told myself that if I can turn back time, I wish that my mom would enrol me to a science high school. I really want to give up. I told myself that there is no point in studying if I just receive low grades. Well what’s the point? Then I prayed and read the Bible. I read a verse telling me not to give up. And also my friend encouraged me that if I am not going to study, what more will my grades be? Well she was right. Studies… study... study…
All of these had consequences. My friends were even mad at me because I am not joining them when they are going out. I cannot explain to them that I really have a busy schedule. Almost every week, I have to study for exams. My family even told me that I should just not went home if I am not going to spend time with them and lock myself up in the room. But as time passed by, I also became adapted to these things. It does not matter what the result is. I would just continue studying. But because of sleepless nights for studying, I became ill. My heart always palpitates with no reason. Am I in love? Actually I am not. I think it is the consequence of lack of sleep and bulks of coffee in my system. So they were really worried and encouraged me to transfer in another UP campus near to us so they can look after me. But my friends in high school discouraged me because they said that I cannot do it because it is difficult. They were even making fun of us and calling as ‘Tarzans’ in the forest. I really got mad with them but I just remained silent. I just thought that they are still from “other schools” and I am from UP… what are they bragging about any way? So I filed an application for other campus and I am not really serious about it because I am satisfied with my life in UPLB. Then one day I went out with my friends in Manila, so I passed by UP Manila campus as well for the results. That time it was my time to have a break because I enrolled for summer class so I just have few weeks to have my vacation. Then I saw my name… what? I passed? I was partly happy and sad. Happy because it is my chance not to be away from my family and this is an opportunity to show other people that they were wrong in telling me that I can not do it. Sad because I have to leave my friends and shift to another course that I just took because it is a pre- medical course but I really want biology. Then after that I found myself back in Los Baňos to clear out my papers and things. It was really so fast. But again, it was never easy. I found myself spending a lot of time and money just to have clearance because some of the teachers are already having their vacation so I have to come back almost every day from Quezon City to Los Baňos then to Manila. My family and friends even told me that I am loosing weight already. Oh… it was really difficult. But the late registration was another thing. After handling my records to Manila, I thought I can enrol right away. But I found myself queuing every day for almost two weeks. It just won’t stop! Every thing has a price. I am just suffering the consequences of transferring. In fact I even found out that our course is revised and I have to stay for five years… well actually six because the subjects are seasonal so I have to wait for the freshmen. And after that I still have to get board exam and study again for medicine. What would be my age by then?
Suddenly I want to go back. Why do I have to transfer? Now my life is more complicated. And I was really tormented when I found out that I can apply for Biology in UP Manila and I just did not know so I entered Pharmacy. And I even got discouraged when I saw a lot of Chemistry subjects in the curriculum. Well Chemistry is just the subject that I really hate. So welcome to my new life! I have to face and love my hatest subject for a couple of years. Though I was praised by my family and friends for being accepted, my life actually became more problematical. I got a full load that made my body loose a lot of weight because of the stress and as well as the long way to our home every day. Goodbye to fresh air and to our dormitory wherein I reach our school just a couple of minutes. Hello to pollution and traffic jams. My schedule was also not good because I have to wake up so early and return late at night. I also experienced floods in Manila that the water was up in my knees. I do not know if I am supposed to laugh that time but I did. It was around seven thirty in the evening and I cannot still go home and I have an exam the next day at seven in the morning. I want to cry but I just laughed. Because of a lot of subjects, I was not able to manage all of them as well as my health. I do not know which to prioritize. Before, I cannot stand a day without watching a single show. But now I was not even aware of the current events that my friends laugh at me when they noticed that I was so ignorant of the new trends and stuffs. My health also deteriorated that I had several occasions of having high fever and allergy and this resulted in flanking some of my tests because I was not able to study well.
One day when I am with my friend who is also a transferee but from other school, she told me how depressed she was because of her grade. She was complaining of the results in the exams and the low quizzes. Well I saw her grades from her school before. Well it was really high, but now she was shocked of the results in her exams. As I was looking at her, I saw myself before and patted her shoulder and told her that I experienced the same thing before. And now I am just used to it. Now I am telling her things that I was suppose to tell myself before. I even thought that because of the things that happened to me, I would just like to transfer again but in another school such as UST. Well I am really tired. But then again I realized that not all students are privileged to enter UP.
Being a UP student is not really easy. I can say that my life became more complicated. A lot of people have a lot of expectations. They also thought that we are different from them. Well indeed we are because we get a lot of training. We don not simply get the grades we want with just a snap of hand. My brother told me that in their school while their teacher is out and they are taking the exams, his classmates would copy from each other and that was just a normal thing for them. But we do not do it here. You have to make a full effort to get a satisfying grade. Everything is difficult. No spoon feeding compared to other schools. Social life would also be somehow not as same as before. My other friends cannot understand why I have exams almost every week. I do not like phone calls and sending of text messages that just contains quotes. I just send text messages to people of important matters. It was really different looking back. I am actually envious of my friends when they are bragging about being in the Dean’s list. But I realized that I am sill from UP so it does not matter. It is true that when it also comes to facilities, we are left behind by other schools. Books are already so old and dusty. Also compared to other schools, we do not have elevators to reach our rooms so we always take the stairs. Everything is difficult. But is it not that these difficulties are actually roads to success? For me what makes us stand out from the rest is the honing of our skills. To be able to survive here, one must have a lot of courage and perseverance. You have to survive and make a full effort. It is not just the brain that gets to be sharpened but also our character. If things were just easy for us, what is the excitement with that? After all life is not a bed of roses. We are just being taught here of that. If things were just so easy, I would be like some of my friends who lack learning that goes beyond the things learned from school. It made my feel more confident when I am able to get through a difficult situation which I always face everyday. I also noticed how my conversations changed. It was not a trash talk already but a more intellectual one. So when I meet some of my friends who are not studying seriously and just focus on their love life and some shallow things, I feel sorry for them because life is not just about that. It is living out one’s life to the fullest. So if you weren’t able to make your life meaningful, well I think that is one of the sad things that will happen. So even I am having difficulties, I would still choose to study in UP because this institution makes one be someone else that he or she can be. By not actually giving as all we need but making us find out for ourselves the lessons that we have to learn. So being a UP student needs a lot of courage, strength and perseverance. Above all, I cannot always rely in my own strength but with what God can do for me that makes me continue on the challenge. Now I don’t see problems and difficulties as simple as making my life complicated and sad but in a way improves my character and makes me more confident with myself. With that, I am proud to be a UP student!

Thursday, October 12, 2006

[[++ perhaps... ++]]

well just finished my exam on physics 51... as in NANGHULA AKO grabe i can't ask God for help because i know myself na hindi ako aral na aral... i just studied hours before as in back from scratch because i did not learn anything from our teacher... i just attend class because he is really kind... oh my im sad i know im gonna take the finals and it was moved to oct 17... ok... fine but what makes me more nervous is that i think my score in that exam is too low that it cant be pulled by my finals... oh my what have i done huhuhu waahhhhhhhhhhhh i wanna cry!!!!!!!!!!sorry Lord!

Sunday, October 08, 2006

[[++ koraen speaks ++]]

i treally dont have much time but i think this is a good essay that should be read by Filipinos


MY SHORT ESSAY ABOUT THE PHILIPPINES

Jaeyoun Kim

Filipinos always complain about the corruption inthe Philippines . Do you really think the corruption is the problem of the Philippines ? I do notthink so. I strongly believe that the problem
is the lack of love for the Philippines . Let me first talk about my country, Korea . It might help you understand my point. After the Korean War, South Korea was oneof the poorest countries in the world.
Koreans had to start from scratch because
entire country was destroyed after the
Korean War, and we had nonatural resources.
Koreans used to talk about the Philippines ,
for Filipinos were very rich in Asia . We envy
Filipinos. Koreans really wanted to be well off
like Filipinos. Many Koreans died of famine. My father & brother also died because of
famine. Korean government was very corrupt
and is still very corrupt beyond your imagination,
but Korea was able to develop dramatically
because Koreans really did their best for the
common good with their heart burning with
patriotism.
Koreans did not work just for themselves but
also for their neighborhood and country.
ucation inspired young men with the spirit
of patriotism.
40 years ago, President Park took over thegovernment to reform Korea . He tried to borrow
money
from other countries, but it was not
possible to get a loan and attract a foreign
investment because the economic situation of
South Korea was so bad. Korea had only three
factories. So, President Park sent many mine workers and nurses to Germany so thatthey could send money to Korea to build
a factory. They had to go through horrible
experience.
In 1964, President Park visited Germany
to borrow money. Hundred of Koreans in
Germany came to the
airport to welcome him
and cried there as they saw the President Park .
They asked to him, "President, when can we be
well off?" That was the only question everyone
asked to him. President Park cried with them
and promised them that Korea would be welloff if everyone works hard for Korea , and the
President of Germany got the strong impression
on them and lent money to Korea . So, President
Park was able to build many factories in Korea .
He always asked Koreans to love their country
from their heart.
Many Korean scientists and engineers in the
USA came back to Korea to help developing country because they wanted their country to be well off. Though they received very small salary, they did
their best for Korea . They always hoped that their
children would live in well off country.
My parents always brought me to the places
where poor and physically handicapped people
live. They wanted me to understand their life
and help them. I also worked for Catholic Church
when I was in the army. The only thing I learned
from Catholic Church was that we have to love
our neighborhood. And, I have loved my neighborhood. Have you cried for the Philippines?


I have cried for my country several times. I also
cried for the Philippines because of so many poor people. I have been to the New Bilibidprison. What made me sad in the prison were
the prisoners who do not have any love for their
country. They go to mass and work for Church.
They pray everyday.
However, they do not love the Philippines . Italked to two prisoners at the maximum-security
compound, and both of them said that they would
leave the Philippines right after they are released
from the prison. They said that they would start
a new life in other countries and never come back
to the Philippines .
Many Koreans have a great love for Korea so
that we were able to share our wealth with our
neighborhood. The owners of factory and company
were distributed their profit to their employees
fairly so that employees could buy what they
needed and saved money for the future and their
children.When I was in Korea , I had a very strong faith
and wanted to be a priest. However, when I
came to the Philippines , I completely lost my faith. I was very confused when I saw many unbelievable situations in the Philippines . Street kids always
make me sad, and I see them everyday. The
Philippines is the only Catholic country in Asia ,
but there are too many poor people here. People
go to church every Sunday to pray, but nothing
has been changed.
My parents came to the Philippines last week
and saw this situation. They told me that Korea
was much poorer
than the present Philippines
when they were young. They are so sorry that
there are so many beggars and street kids.


When we went to Pasangjan, I forced my parents
to take a boat because it would fun. However,
they were not happy after taking a boat. They
said that they would not take the boat again
because they were sympathized the boatmen,
for the boatmen were very poor and had asmall frame. Most of people just took a boat
and enjoyed it. But, my parents did not enjoy
it because of love for them.
My mother who has been working for Catholic
Church since I was very young told me that if
we just go to
mass without changing ourselves,
we are not Catholic indeed. Faith should come
with action.

She added that I have to love Filipinos and do
good things for them because all of us are same
and have received a great love from God. I want
Filipinos to love their neighborhood and country
as much as they love God so that the Philippines
will be well off.
I am sure that love is the keyword, which Filipinosshould remember. We cannot change the sinful
structure at once.
It should start from person.
Love must start in everybody, in a small scale
and have to grow. A lot of things happen if we
open up to love. Let's put away our prejudices
and look at our worries with our new eyes.
I discover that every person is worthy to be loved. Trust in love, because it makes changes
possible.
Love changes you and me. It changes
people, contexts and relationships. It changes
the world. Please love your neighborhood and
country.
Jesus Christ said that whatever we do to others
we do to Him. In the Philippines , there is God for
people who
are abused and abandoned. There is
God who is crying for love.

If you have a child, teach them how to love the
Philippines . Teach them why they have to love
their neighborhood and country. You already
know that God also will be very happy if you
love others.
That's all I really want to ask you Filipinos.

lets love our contry.....

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Goong the best memory

haha one of my favourites

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

[[now na lang ulit after a month]]

grabe na to todo busy...dame na nagyari wala na ako nakuwento di bale sa sembreak nalang as in super busy ako nagkasakit na nga ako eh toxic...thats wat i can say

Monday, August 07, 2006

long time no blog

its been a long time.... im so so so busy... what happening na nga ba... just finished the project in bot(pics at multiply) then im in a dilemma... i want to shift to bio... im going crazy!hooo! a lot of exams are coming up.. all this month is full of exams!sabay sabay!

.... then i dreamed about him again...

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hope i can erase him in my mind... but he kept on saying hi to me everytime!ayoko na!

Saturday, July 29, 2006

out again

today, i went out with my upr8g friends.. as in long time no see. i really missed them(pics at multiply).... we ate and chatted then i'm with my dad's house right now in cavite... well i really have to study hard but im doing something else... im bad and then i want to proclaim, that
no guys are allowed in my brain!!!!!!!!!!! grrrrrrr

Friday, July 21, 2006

[[++i'll be++]]

I'll be a manhater starting from now ..........

Monday, July 17, 2006

[[++ no phone..gonna buy asap ++]]

i sold my cellphone already with my dad on greenhills... i'm gonna buy 6630... i hope i can buy immediately...

no classes for physics and history...

rest day....

Thursday, July 13, 2006

[[++ what a day++]]

ok walang pasok pero busy pa rin ako.physics palang halos 5 hours na akong nagaaral...whoah i wish i can have a vacation... my head aches na waah...

well my mom and tita claire went to plaza ibarra and albergus kahit umuulan to check the place... kahit saan ok lang saakin basta wag naman ung sobrang bonggashus....

a sana umatend si kevin,,,haha nangangarap ako...di k0o pa nga siya friend haha

[[++ no classes! ++]]

wow no classes today and classes yesterday was suspended...so i can still work it out with my physics and other subjects...it's really difficult...God help me...

Friday, July 07, 2006

[[++ happy birthday sheila!++]]

well i went to sheila's bday treat...at the old sphag house in lacson ave. i met first with jen,,, but before that my brother and i met on robinsons.thank God he's there because something happened with my pants... it's a menstruation thing hehe so i bought a skirt then i changed.jen waited for me in ust for an hour already hehe sorry jen... it was really happy...pics are in my multiply!

Thursday, July 06, 2006

[[++ hello ++]]

hello!im so busy.....

Monday, July 03, 2006

[[++ change layout again++]]

haha it's lee dong wook the flavor of the month. i bought my girl dvd already and still have some hang overs.... he's just so adorable and cute. now i'm wishing of finding a korean hehehe....

and i think i'll be having my debut.... i'm looking for a right design for the gown

Sunday, July 02, 2006

[[++ mess around ++]]

i got sick last thursday. i did not attended my physics class. it's just good that our teacher in ip121 wasn't there so i immediately went home, and also, i finished the dvd of my girl... it really good and it made my heart tickle... You'll be blessed!

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

[[++ im scared again ++]]

wow... people in up are really genius.... well i can say that because in comm1 this freshies made me nervous... like i think i have to read my lessons all over and over again... well im pretty tired but that's life.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

[[++ life is sometimes unfair ++]]

sometimes, or for some people, life is not really ideal. it's unfair. you just have to do your best so that you can catch upon it... still busy with my studies. no much time for these...

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

[[++ whoah what's happening ++]]

i was almost late this morning.it's pharm 100... it'sa so difficult to ride because it's rush hour... well pharm 100 was introduced... oh my... chem chem chem... i guess i should love the subject...I EVEN THOUGHT OF SHIFTING, BUT I MUST NOT. I MUST GO AGAINST THE ODD CIRCUMSTANCES haaaaaaa i don't know i'm still afraid... but i musn't for God is with me...
i must love chemistry....

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

[[++ really back to school ++]]

wow i can't digest the whole thing that happened. it's just so fast. anyway class is really starting and i'm a little unfamiliar with the people in up manila. they are more active in recitations... well in history 2 i experienced to be called by the prof unprepared because it was my first time to attend his class but they have already started. still i think he's a good teacher. kasaysayan 4 is also good. the subject is interesting about women. i'm starting to get busy now... may be i won't able to blog for the next few days. still, i'm having a dilemma with my course. but i know i should not because i must have no regrets and to keep fighting and believing that everything's gonna be alright. i'm really having a double time.
fortunately i ave some circle of friends... all of us shiftees or transferees... oh at least i have friends co'z we're some kind'a many. thank God for that because i thought i'm gonna ba a loner. ok i'm still having a research.until next time... to myself...

Friday, June 16, 2006

[[++ dan dan dan ++]]

my hopes are still up because i know i can have a full load!i have a strong confidence with that!my classes end aroung 5:30 to 6pm oh my so late!so i really have to be smart at the streets! see yah!

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

[[++ pharmacy is for joanna ++]]

i think i was really... i am really meant for this course. no matter how i express that i love bio, still i'm in pharmacy. i met another blockmate of mine in lb and she was able to transfer in up manila as bio again.man!i'm the silliest person! i told myself!but my friends said, "maybe that is really God's purpose for you." and they won't like me to talk about it. well Lord that is a sign!
a SIGN!that i will be a PHARMACY STUDENT NOT BIO...
GOODBYE BIO...

again.... i'll jst be returning to cyber nook on friday to get a slot. please help me Lord...please do...

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

[[++ my girl++]]

another addiction... go crazy again over this. but i reminded myself that only one show per night so this is the only show that i watch. and we were also advised not to watch filipino shows ... those shows that we cannot learn anything from.

i think my next lay out will be my girl... next month or whenever i have time.

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[[++ more sharks++]]

grr i don't like this. some of my relatives told me that i might be like my oldest brother who can't finish his studies and just want to shift. it ius like they are regretting the fact that i have transferred to up manila.now being a pharmacy student is a challenge for me. i think that God wants to prepare me for muc difficult tasks. so i have to triple me time to study well.... oh well... they are like that again. i have to prove them that they are wrong.that i can really do it! oh God please help me... to day is pasukan but i'm still underload... but I trust God to help me because He loves me.... that's all i need to know..

Sunday, June 11, 2006

[[++ the last reunion ++]]

yesterday my friends and I wnt to sm mall of asia. upr8g without Pura. well we were some kind of dissappointed. anyway we had a good time. we watched Omen and we ate in Sbarro. we also went to Kameraworld to have a studio picture. it was really fun being with them and i know i'm gonna miss them.(the pictures are on my multiply.)

well afterwards i went to crossroad for another lecture The survival guide and pastor Tina spoke before us. i have to keep my hopes up and not to cram.

mom sis not went home again what can i expect.. it is the same every other day? or everyday?
i always dreamded about it... anyway
i'm planning to join tha gawad kalinga of the Thomasians on june 12. since i don't really have work to do... i mean i have lots but this is for a good cause.

finally i'm happy because i forgot about him. so it wasn't love after all because i felt the same way with my past puppy loves.hahaha so i'm free again yahooo!

Friday, June 09, 2006

[[++ i need more patience and faith++ ]]

i don't know kung may balat ako sa puwet but something happened again. i went to school today and i'm confident that i'm supposed to be there to get a slot. and guess what? grabe sa june 14 papala ako. sa board kasi ang sabi e-k is june 9... well i thought kasama na ang surname ko don... oh my i'm having some halucinations sa pagod... grrrr
well i need more patience and faith. dapat maniwala pa rin ako na all things will go well with God. i kept on praying to God to help me. kahit medyo nakakakaba non sa registrar kasi aabot na ako sa deadline, God still helped me. so again i'm needing His help. i think this is the shark that we are praying for. maybe i should start to love my course because anyway, i will be dealing with this for four years. i thought biology is really for me. then God led me to this. really God is do mysterious in some ways that you can't imagine. but He is so powerful that things will just to go on and you know that there's a mighty plan behind that. i don't know what will happen to me. it just came to my mind na.. oo nga no nasa comfort zone na ako sa laguna but God put me here. wild environment and mas mahirap na course. new adjustments and everything. but that should keep me moving on diba? i said i won't to do my best for God and now i found myself having difficulties and even complaining. oh i'm sorry father, i lacked faith. please give me more and to trust you more. after all you are the only truth from all of the lies around me. maybe i'd be so busy next time baka minsan nalang ako maka pagblog. actually naaddict na naman ako magpalit palit ng lay- out. di kaso ako tumitigil hanggang hindi ako nasasatisfy which is bad.

anyways i am done reading The Chronicles of Narnia. all the books except the book 2 whih is the lion the witch and the wardrobe. wow i actually read The Last Battle for about 3-4 hours only because i got to excited. no wonder it's really a good book. aside from illustrating different events on the book that will make you excited, it is also for all ages who still have the heart of the young people. it is biblical of course and it's really recommended for children. it has a lot of moral lessons one can read between the lines of the book.

after that I also finished The Giver by Louis Lowry for a couple of hours. wow it was alos fantastic. another beutiful novel that gives you a lesson of the importance of ones memories. i really love it because it was actually weird for me when i first read the pages... and who would forget The five people you meet in heven by Mitch Albom? it was touching actually i like it too. it talks about your life again.
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next would be to kill a mocking bird by Harper Lee. it really intrigues me because up till now it is still famous and included in the 100 top books of 2005.
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oh i can't get my head off this guy. that is why he's in my lay out.hehe
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[[++ confusing ++]]

i'm really confused. i don't know if i'll be able to get a slot... whew only 10 units... i'm really tired of going back to school without having any units...ahhhh! i'm starting to get nervous too because my course is full of chemistry... i don't know what will happen to me. but God put me here so i'll just trust Him to guide me. i don't know... maybe this is my shark! so that i'll try harder,,, and i know it will be good for me if things went harder. because how will i learn if things are just so easy for me. but chemistry wasn;t easy... it's not...

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

[[++ tired but happy ++]]

my new course and campus is very challenging to me.
==pharmacy in upmanila is 5 years
==i can't get the subjects i have to
==we'll have uniforms
==our course is so difficult that's why they accepted a lot of applicants because a lot of students shifted already because again it is hard

but i don't want to complain anymore because God put me here. i prayed for it so it is God's will. we don't interfere with that isn't it?

i have finished th last two books of Narnia and it was fantastic especially "The Last Battle" it was really exciting that i finished the book in few hours time. next that I'm going ti read is "the Giver.

I also changed my layout... its Kim Jae won on the header. i like him. that's all i can say.

I'm glad i have new friends already. just two but it doesn't matter... at least i know some people and we are still struggling to get some slots waah i'm really tired and i got colds already..

i forgot to mention that i cut my hair already because it's sticky already and the weather is really hot.
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but i still like my long hair before
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waah i miss a lot of things....


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my crush.... i dreamed about him last night but i forgot all about it. well it just means we're not meant to be haha.

and of course... my upr8g...

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we'll have a reunion this saturday at sm mall of asia... haa....

Thursday, June 01, 2006

[[++ best selling books ++]]

best selling books

The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter
Book DescriptionWith the publication of her first novel, THE HEART IS A LONELY HUNTER, Carson McCullers, all of twenty-three, became a literary sensation. With its profound sense of moral isolation and its compassionate glimpses into its characters' inner lives, the novel is considered McCullers' finest work, an enduring masterpiece first published by Houghton Mifflin in 1940. At its center is the deaf-mute John Singer, who becomes the confidant for various types of misfits in a Georgia mill town during the 1930s. Each one yearns for escape from small town life. When Singer's mute companion goes insane, Singer moves into the Kelly house, where Mick Kelly, the book's heroine (and loosely based on McCullers), finds solace in her music. Wonderfully attuned to the spiritual isolation that underlies the human condition, and with a deft sense for racial tensions in the South, McCullers spins a haunting, unforgettable story that gives voice to the rejected, the forgotten, and the mistreated -- and, through Mick Kelly, gives voice to the quiet, intensely personal search for beauty. Richard Wright praised Carson McCullers for her ability "to rise above the pressures of her environment and embrace white and black humanity in one sweep of apprehension and tenderness." She writes "with a sweep and certainty that are overwhelming," said the NEW YORK TIMES. McCullers became an overnight literary sensation, but her novel has endured, just as timely and powerful today as when it was first published. THE HEART IS A LONELY HUNTER is Carson McCullers at her most compassionate, endearing best.

All She Can Be by Fern Michaels
From the Inside FlapBut her success as a bestselling author of sexy historical romances had cost Rita Bellamy her marriage -- and jeopardized her relationships with her three grown children. Two years after her divorce, Rita was still blaming herself -- though she knew her ambition was not the only reason her marriage had failed. Her saving grace was her writing. While working on her latest epic at her lakeside cottage in Pennsylvania, with only a typewriter and sleeping bag for company, she decided it was time to really live her own life -- to furnish her place her way, to demand her children's respect, and to take a second chance on love....
Based on true life experience, All She Can Be is Fern Michaels at her best -- the deeply heartfelt story of a woman struggling to find happiness in a world where love and duty too often collide.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom
Amazon.comPart melodrama and part parable, Mitch Albom's The Five People You Meet in Heaven weaves together three stories, all told about the same man: 83-year-old Eddie, the head maintenance person at Ruby Point Amusement Park. As the novel opens, readers are told that Eddie, unsuspecting, is only minutes away from death as he goes about his typical business at the park. Albom then traces Eddie's world through his tragic final moments, his funeral, and the ensuing days as friends clean out his apartment and adjust to life without him. In alternating sections, Albom flashes back to Eddie's birthdays, telling his life story as a kind of progress report over candles and cake each year. And in the third and last thread of the novel, Albom follows Eddie into heaven where the maintenance man sequentially encounters five pivotal figures from his life (a la A Christmas Carol). Each person has been waiting for him in heaven, and, as Albom reveals, each life (and death) was woven into Eddie's own in ways he never suspected. Each soul has a story to tell, a secret to reveal, and a lesson to share. Through them Eddie understands the meaning of his own life even as his arrival brings closure to theirs.
Albom takes a big risk with the novel; such a story can easily veer into the saccharine and preachy, and this one does in moments. But, for the most part, Albom's telling remains poignant and is occasionally profound. Even with its flaws, The Five People You Meet in Heaven is a small, pure, and simple book that will find good company on a shelf next to It's A Wonderful Life. --Patrick O'Kelley

Lessons from a Sheep Dog by Philip Keller
Editorial Reviews
Book Description
What you see is not always what you get - and this true story of a man and his dog is no exception. Woven just under the surface of this simple parable, Keller presents profound spiritual truth. It is the story of Lass, a worthless animal thought to be untrainable, who becomes a magnificent and valuable sheepdog - not terribly unlike how God's love can transform our worst characteristics into blessings that serve to further His Kingdom. Allow yourself to see Biblical truth in this classic tale of what can happen when you yield to the Master.

The Shop On Blossom Street by Debbie Macomber
From Publishers WeeklyA Seattle knitting store brings together four very different women in this earnest tale about friendship and love. Lydia Hoffman, a two-time cancer survivor, opens the shop A Good Yarn as a symbol of the new life she plans to lead. She starts a weekly knitting class, hoping to improve business and make friends in the area. The initial class project is a baby blanket, and Macomber (Changing Habits), a knitter herself who offers tips about the craft and pithy observations from knitting professionals throughout the novel, includes the knitting pattern at the start of the book. Well-heeled Jacqueline Donovan, who chooses to ignore her empty marriage, disguises her disdain for her pregnant daughter-in-law by knitting a baby blanket. Carol Girard joins the group as an affirmation of her hopes to finally have a successful in vitro pregnancy. Alix Townsend, a high school dropout with an absentee father and a mother incarcerated for forging checks, uses the class to satisfy a court-ordered community service sentence for a drug-possession conviction for which her roommate is really responsible. Unfortunately, Macomber doesn't get much below the surface of her characters, and, although they all have interesting back stories, the arc of each individual happy ending is too predictable. The only surprise involves Alix's hapless, overweight roommate, Laurel, and even this smacks of plot-driven manipulation. Macomber is an adept storyteller overall, however, and many will be entertained by this well-paced story about four women finding happiness and fulfillment through their growing friendships.

morte of that on amazon.com. probably i'll buy the 5 people you meet in heaven since i saw it already available in the book store

[[++ change of heart++]]

i just came from the mountain chillout and God spoke to me of many things.well i just thought that i only osted rubbish in my blog... why don't i put something educational? well ireally have to do my homework and study and it will start now. i just hope that it will continue up to the end

Thursday, May 25, 2006

[[++ headache ++]]

oh my.... is this a dream? i passed up manila and diliman as well, but of course i chose manila... bs pharmacy.
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[[my name in the bulletin]]

i prayed for God's migthy plan for this and He gave me a sign... then i went to lb today to be cleared... oh my, nakita ko palang ang dami ko nang papipirmahan, parang ayaw ko na lumipat... pano yung chill out ko>??? i am in a total dilemma oh my please help me father give me a sign again

Monday, May 22, 2006

[[++ konting bakasyon ++ ]]

haha bakasyon daw... well may 1 month pa ako noh! harhar ano kaya mangyayari...
well kakatapos lang taekwando tournament pero pinapapasok pa rin kami sa wednesday
-waah magkikita na kami nila kelly hahaha
-manunuod ng sine harhar
-currently addicted to this--

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well cute nia si kim jae won and wonderful life...
i'm gonna buy this!
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Saturday, May 13, 2006

[[++ a slice of this week ++]]

events that happened this week

* we had our aerobics session in ma gym and jamaica, esway and I were really obsessed with it! we love it!grabe yata kami magpawis as in at magaling instructor so we decided that in june, we're going to enroll for membership... just hoping that we are all slim by our target date haha

* because of the body aches, we did not attend our taekwando class last tuesday haha but unfortunately, the next day, i received a 100 plus squatrats!pero di ko ginawa lahat noh! salvage ko na si kuya taekwando! hmffff

*thursday: wala si sir sa pe may sakit daw?! pano un lagi lang siyang nakaupo?harhar kaya nanuod nalang kami dvd

*saturday: grabe ang lakas ng ulan kanina nag exam pa rin kami sa math as in at wala na namang kuryente pero di naman kailangan un sa math building

*kinuha namin flowers ni mai para kay tita edna kasi mother's day sa 14 at naisipan ko rin na di na kami makakabili ni kuya dahil bumabagyo so i bought one basket na prepared na dun buti meron...

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*we went to the factory where we will have to pick up mai's souvenir in her debut

*around 2:30 pinayagan na rin kami ni tita mag sm... poor esway di kasama

*watched Poseidon with the rest then we took pictures when we went on bowling
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aah miss you guys,,, more of this on my multiply...

then tha vainess recurred...

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Sunday, May 07, 2006

[[++ Please mend my broken heart show!++]]

host:magandang gabi po sa inyong lahat andito na naman tayo sa ating palabas na puno ng emosyon ang broken hearts show! nandito po ang isang babae upang makuwento ng isang babae na itawag natin sa pangalang “nanay” upang maghayag ng kanyang kuwento, nanay…

nanay: minsan ang tao ay nagkakamali, kahit anong sabihin niya sa pagpigil ng isang damdamin, minsan, hindi pa rin niya ito kayang magawa. nakakainis, minsan kasi corny ang maramdaman ang isang bagay na sinabi mo na sa sarili mong "ay di saakin mangyayari yan" o kaya "di ako tulad nila, bata pa ako, di ko alam yun". pero ang totoo, nauuwi lang sa paglunok ng pride at pag- amin na, "siguro nga mahal ko siya." Maraming beses na ako naloko ng huwad na emosyon. mabilis kasi akong madala sa mga pangyayari.
Nung bata ako nagkagusto ako, maalala ko pa nung sa elementary at highschool. todo kilig! at hindi lang yon, nagawa ko pa ang mga bagay na paran binigigay ko talagang lahat lahat. kahit nagmukha akong tanga. pano ba naman nilalakad ko yung mahal ko sa kaibigan kong matalik, sino nga ba ang matutuwa dun? pero ako, naiiba ako sa kanila. Ayos lang yon basta alam ko kinakausap niya ako, kahit na ang pinag-uusapan pa namin ay tungkol lang sa babaeng napupusuan niya, ayos lang. pero hindi pala, martyr na nga ang tinawag nila saakin at nagalit na ang mga kaibigan ko, pero ako patuloy parin. Hangang dumating sa pagkakataon na sumambulat na lang sa mukha ko ang mapait na katotohanan. Tigil na, tama na…
Bata pa naman ako nun. Kaya naman pagtapos ay mabilis ding nawala. Ganon kasi ako magkagusto sa isang tao, mabilis lang pero halos lahat binibigay, kahit wala nang matira, kahit pride. Natakot tuloy ako, “pano na kung umibig pa ako? Baka hindi ko na makilala ang sarili ko….” Naulit pa ang mga katangahan ko pero nalampasan ko rin at sinabing “ kadiri noh!di ako mai-inlove, marami pakong priorities no!” minsan nga baka sour graping yung pakiramdam ko dahil yung mga nagugustuhan ko di naman gann ng nararamdaman saakin, baka nga bata pa ako… at siguro nga dahil wala akong ama, unconsciously ay naghahanap ako ng feeling ng security.
Lagi kong pinipilit magpakabait dahil yun ang dapat. Sabi ni mama “wag ka muna mag boyfriend” siyempre sagot ko wala naman eh… aba magaling din naman akong studyante, pala- aral kasi ako at masipag. Kaya kung nagkakagusto na naman ako aba, madali lang yun meron akong defense mechanism na tinatawag… yun yung iisipin mo yung mga bagay na ka-turn- off turn- off sa crush mo at sandali lang… jaran!nakalimutan mo na siya! Aba, effective ata noh! Masakit lang sa simula pero ang nakakatawa, pinag-sawaan ko rin sila at lagi ko pang sinasabi “bakit ko ba nagustuhan yun?ewws!” haha… at nagpatuloy.
Pero dumating ang araw na kinakatakutan ko.. napakabilis na sandali lang, ninakawan ako… napakabilis niyang pumasok at lumabas…. Nung nakilala ko siya, ito ay hindi sinasadyang pagkakataon. Wala naman dapat ako talaga dun, pero napilitan lang. sabi nila “kanta ka lang!” e di pagbigyan! At don ko na nga siya nakilala. Di nagtagal, nagkainisan kami… inis na inis ako sakanya. Pero ayos lang dahil the feeling is mutual. He hates me too. Pero sa hindi nanamang inaasahan na pangyayari, nakausap ko siya at nagging mag-kaibigan kami dahil heto na naman ako tumulong sa isang tao. Sabi ko kasi “ayos lang yan di ko naman siya masyadong kilala, di ko kailangang mAtakot na mahulog.” Pero tumindi ang pagkakaibigan naming. Hindi ko alam pero sa tuwing naririnig ko ang boses niya, parang tumitigil ang mundo ko… parang gusto ko lagi na lang kami mag- usap at magkita. Ntakot na ako ng lubusan. Gaya ng dati, ginawa ko ang gusto niya. Pinilit ko na namng burahin ang number niya. Kaso makulit siya at nag- uusap pa rin kami nun. Napakaligaya, pero masakit pag sinasabi ng utak ko na “tigilan mo na yan! Masasaktan ka lang” pero mahirap eh… bahala na lang!basta alam ko masaya ako pag kausap ko siya. Yun ang importante. Ewan ko ba marami na rin akong nakausap na nagustuhan ko, pero iba siya, dahil sa kanilang lahat, siya lang ang hindi madaldal.
Dumating ang araw na kailanan na naming maghiwalay, tinanggap ko na rin yun sa sarili ko at sinabi ko sa kanya na makakalimutan na rin niya ako. Sa totoo lang ang dami kong nagawang kasalanan sa ibang tao dahil sa kanya, sa kadahilanang gusto ko lang siya pasayahin o kuwentuhan. Sobrang naguilty ako, at nasabi ko alang na kaya siguro ako pinarusahan kasi sa mga ginawa ko.
Lumipas ang panahon at nagging busy na rin ako… masaya na ako dahil alam ko makakalimutan ko na siya. Pero araw- araw naaalala ko siya, saglit lang na nakalimutan ko siya pero lalong tumindi. Siyempre ginawa ko na yung defense mechanis mko uli na sasabihin ko sa utak ko na ginamit niya lang ako. Pero laking gulat ko dahil ayaw yun mismo tanggapin ng sarili ko. Alam kong hindi siya ganon. Alam ko may sarili na rin siyang buhay. Ganon din naman ako. Kaya nga kahit sa phonebook ko wala na siya. Pero ang totoo hanggang ngayon memorize ko pa rin ang number niya. Taon na ang lumipas pero nakatatak pa rin siya sa puso ko. Gusto ko sana siyang kausapin at sabihing “ninakaw mo ang puso ko, pakibalik naman oh, dahil alam ko iba ang gusto mo.” Dahil kahit kailang di niya naisip na maganda ako, at magustuhan ako. Tama lang naman dib a. maliwanag naman saakin na iba ang gusto niya. Pero pano nay un?kinuha na niya ang puso ko? May mga nagustuhan pa rin ako, sabi nga nila play- girl daw ako, pero sa totoo lang siya pa rin ang gusto ko. Naramdaman kong sobrang loser ko!kinain ko kasi ang sinabi ko na hindi ako mai- inlove. Pero taon na ang lumipas at kahit di a kami nag-uusap at nagkikita, siya pa rin ang gusto ko. Bakit di ko aminin? Ano pa?baka di niya na ako lalong harapin at kamuhian pa ako. Baka nga pandirian pa eh. Dahil nalaman ko kung gaano ka baba ang tingin niya saakin.
Sino nga ba naman ako para mahalin?”mahal?yuck! di ko alam yun!ano bang feeling?” pero ang kinatatakutan kong araw ay dumating nap ala… natanggap ko na lang sa sarili ko na mahal ko nap ala siya, ayoko lang tanggapin dahil ang taas ng pride ko. Pagod na ako at bnagdasal “Lord, please bakit di ko pa siya nakakalimutan?tulungan niyo naman ako…” ang sabi Niya saakin “ anak, mahal naman kita eh, sapat na ang pagmamahal ko para takpan ang sakit” dun ko naramdaman na kahibangan na ang lahat. Wala naman siyang paki- alam saakin eh. Pero ang pagmamahal pala ay ganito. Kahit isa ka lang na nagmamahal ayos lang. wala itong hinihinging kapalit. Ang daling sabihin noh? Pero alam mo m\na gusto mo rin na mahalin ka niya.
Siguro nga masyado kong binigay ang sarili ko na kinalimutan ko na ang sarili ko. Naisipan kong magpaganda para sa kanya. Pero ngayon natutunan kong gawin yun para sa sarili ko. Para igalang ko naman ang sarili ko.
Ngayon masasabi ko na nga na umibig ako. Masakit mang aminin. Totoo pa la na ang pagmamahal ay dumadating na lang bigla ng hindi mo inaasahan. At aabutin ka ng matagal na panahon para kalimutan ito. Ilang beses ko ding pilit itanggi kung love nab a ito… pero ang tanong ay sumagot na lang saakin ng oo. Pero ayos na ako ngayon. Mga alaala ko nalang ang mabubuhay. Siguro nga mahihirapan pa din akong makalimutan siya. Habang iniisip ko siya, siya naman ay limot na ako at din a pumapasok sa isip niya. Pero sa lahat ng kalungkutan, natuto na lang akong maging masaya dahil minsan sa buhay ko nakilala ko ang isang taong nagnakaw ng isang importanteng bagay saakin…
Ang aking puso…
Sa susunod wag kayong magsasabi ng patapos. Pinagtatawanan ko pa sila noon na ang cocorny nila… pero hindi pala…
Wag ka mag- alala aking mahal, di naman kita sisisihin, pero sana malaman mo na mahal kita ng hindi ako pinandidirian at hinuhusgahan. Tao lang naman ako. Hindi ko sinasadya. Patawad. At mahal kita.
host: napakagandang kuwento!sana nagustuhan niyo ang kuewento ni “nanay!”. Naway may napulot kayong aral!hanggang sa susunod uli na serye ng “please mend my broken heart!”

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Saturday, May 06, 2006

[[++ desperado++]]

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well what can i say.... grrrr nadda- drama na naman ako hmmmfff sesperate na ako sa isang araw na magkikita kaming muli... minsan bumababa ang self esteem ko. maybe i should really do my goal... para naman may mapatunayan ako sa sarili ko... i want to be more confident of myself... kung hindi ko pa rin cia makakalimutan, then wala pa rin akong magagawa,weird ba? haha... ako lang nakakaalam ng mga pinagsasabi ko...i promise to do my best at makikita din nila who i really am and what i can do.

Sunday, April 30, 2006

[[++ a glimpse at the moment ++]]

spare time ko ngayon... i just changed my skin again because i got irritated with the other one that i borrowed from blogskin, finally i made up my mind and made another one. and jillian also told me to change it... well anyway labor day tomorow at wala kaming pasok. buti naman. kaya lang magaaral pa tuloy ako sa taekwando sabi kasi ni sir Simbulan may test daw kami written grrr. sabi niya hindi daw siya magbibigay. so he lied! well what am i thinking right now?
ahhhm... i'm thinking about someone. minsan nakakainis na... actually laging nakakainis kasi i feel i'm sobrang looser kasi hindi ko pa rin nakakalimutan si... haay pambihira matagal na panahon na yun... one year have passed already, pero ganon pa rin nothing has changed. hindi kaya dahil wala pang pumapalit sa kanya?.... bad trip talaga! we have both separate ways at last na usap namin ay nung birthday ko lang... i even greeted him in his birthday, di kaya alam na niya?kaya iniiwasan niya na ako? well too paranoid for that, i know he doesnt care about me anymore.

i feel so looser about this. i know he's not for me. ganon na nga lang talaga siguro... as i watched a korean movie last nigt ang title ay "..ing" wierd nga eh starring Kim Rae Won, ang sabi dun is that you love someone kahit na walang kapalit. soguro yun na nga yon. nakakatawa nga kasi sabi ko sa friends ko bigyan lang nila ng taning. kung 3rd year na ako at di ko pa siya nakakalimutan, then love na daw yon... eeww! kaya kailangn ko nang magmadali. aside from the fact na may mga crush din naman ako, siyempre pang palipas oras lang yon (hehehe) well siguro hindi lang talaga ako mabilis ma ano... hehe siyempre aral muna talaga... happy nga ako dahil naka 2.25 pa ko sa chem pareho ng math, pero kinakabahan na ako sa chem 4o dahil halos lahat daw ay nag2nd take... wooosh...
well manunuod na lang ako siguro, another koren (dvd) movie na naman na pinagbibili namin nila esway sa elbi. bad trip pa talagang pumunta ako sa homepage ng mga broken hearted... something happened kasi, i tried to reach him pero di siya nagparamdam. at first nagalit ako. pero i learned something from the movie nga.at least I learned a lot.
well thank God for this day.
but my mood is ....
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it's totally unrequited......

Saturday, April 29, 2006

[[++ testing?!]]

testing muna.....

Saturday, April 22, 2006

[[++ class strated++]]

we got our slots! thanked God we were able to get math 26 ang we preroged. to pe 2 taekwando! imagine! well ang sakit ng mga legs ko talaga mangangayayat ata ako nito. anyway total bonding kami nila esway at mai. after math class, we eat and then watch a korean movie. then pasok na naman for taekwando that is 1:00- 2:45. we attended youth jam ulit ni esway. God bless nalang saamin!

Saturday, April 15, 2006

[[++ new skin!++]]

at last!i have changed my lay out. first of all thanks to blogskins i really like it! to jas exactly who made this lay out. well anyway i know i'm not really talented with this that's why i just downloaded some lay outs... well it is black saturday... haay last day ko na at babalik na naman ako sa aking school. mga 5 weks ang summer. the big problem: wala kaming nakuhang slot noon dahil di naman talaga kami kumuha kasi akala naman namin eh makaka cross register kami... malaking problem eh di pala pareho ang mga gusto naming kunin sa curiculum ng diliman eh ayaw ko namang GE courses lang dahil i really need to take up my major subjects... pero kung wala na talaga... waah kahit ano nalang huhuhu.

my dad is in australia right now. sabi niya malamig daw dun ngayon. well i'm really waiting for him kasi tuturuan akong magdive ni daddy. i actually got my student permit to drive with an aid of a proffessional. sana matuto ako agad because i'm scared. waah... well all i did with my short vacation is to read the Narnia books 1,3,4,5 by CS Lewis and chicken soup. di ko na binasa yung the Lion the witch and the wardrobe kasi i have watched it already. soon i'll be reading The Alchemist by Paulo Cuelho its good daw may lesson so i'm gonna read it.
well these are the books i have read. but what i most like is the voyage of the dawn treader because its full of adventure and symbolisms too. i hope to crack them.

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but i'm still waiting for these books... i know i'm gonna like them
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its gonna be exciting... oh i'm really hooked up with these books and with anime... animax is the tv channel that i always watch nowadays. well its not only for kids but for adults too! waah this is my last day , tomorrow, be back there!